There were so many times when I asked God to give me just one person to make me sway; to make me feel different; someone I can turn my attention towards and make me forget all about you. There were so many times when I asked Him to introduce me to someone new; to make me fall for another–someone who will finally catch me the way I’ve always wanted to be caught.
And God did.
But why can’t I find myself swaying? Why don’t I feel different? Why can’t my attention turn and why can’t I forget? Why can’t I fall to be caught? It’s all so very unfair that I can’t even give another a chance though I asked for his attention. To be fair, I tried. Maybe I wasn’t really trying hard enough? Or maybe I just need to give it more time? Maybe if I really tried to open my heart, it’ll finally fall for someone not you.
Maybe. Maybe I need to remind myself that it’s not fair for myself to keep waiting until you fall. That this time, I need to be the one falling and being caught, rather than the one falling with no one to catch me, and at the same time waiting to catch someone who won’t ever fall. No. Not ever.
To be caught, I need to fall. To fall, I need to stand. To stand, I need to move. To move, I need to not see you. To not see you…is something very hard to do.